Austin Powers is one of the funniest characters from 90s comedy films. Mike Myers played the character, a spy who must fight the villain Dr. Evil (also played by Myers), usually while meeting a beautiful woman in the process. The concept of the three films to date (Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, and Austin Powers in Goldmember) is to poke fun at typical spy thriller tropes. However, While there are tons of great Austin Powers quotes, it’s the Dr. Evil quotes that are often used the most by fans.
It has been several decades since the third and final Austin Powers movie was released but still today movie fans love to use their favorite Dr. Evil quotes in everyday life. Whether they’re being protective of their cat, joking about parenting, or just feeling nefarious, fans of the Austin Powers movies continue to get an incredible amount of mileage out of the funniest Dr. Evil quotes.
20 “You’re The Best Evil Son An Evil Dad Could Ever Ask For.”
Austin Powers in Goldmember
The most hilarious part about Dr. Evil’s relationship with his son, Scott (Seth Green), was that his son loathed him and everything he stood for. A seemingly normal, albeit rebellious and angry young man, Scott was seemingly also just yearning for his father to stop trying to take over the world and spend a little bit of time with him. It seemed the only time Dr. Evil was proud of Scott was when he did something that was dark, mean, or downright evil. As evidenced in this Dr. Evil quote, that behavior is what actually made him proud.
19 “Why Must I Be Surrounded By Frickin’ Idiots?”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
The irony in this Dr. Evil quote is that he wasn’t exactly the most intelligent villain and while his team dutifully followed him anywhere, for reasons unknown, they all seemed far more intelligent and logical than him. Yet, Dr. Evil didn’t hesitate to call out his crew, throwing out insulting names like this one when they were all doing their best to help him.
18 “Just Know That I Have A Whole Bag Of ‘Shh!’ With Your Name On It.”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
This Dr. Evil quote was part of one of the funniest scenes from the original movie, when Dr. Evil went on a shushing tirade. He even introduced the world to the pre-emptive “shh” which came before the person even started talking because it was inevitable that he would want them to stop whatever they were saying anyway. The scene went on and on, with Dr. Evil saying things like “www-dot-shh-dot-com” and other hilarious lines each time Scott would open his mouth to say another word.
17 “Not Really. Kill The Little B******, See If I Care.”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Dr. Evil was sometimes very flippant, more worried about being in charge and having everyone listen to him than he was about accomplishing anything. In the moment that produced this great Dr. Evil quote, he tried to pretend he didn’t care if his son Scott was killed or not. He likely did care very much, but the words cut like a knife for poor Scott. It was yet another reason that Scott disliked his father so much while also being desperate to get him to love him, but it was a deeply funny moment for fans.
16 “Is He Sleeping? Well, That’s Okay. I Guess Mini-Me Won’t Get Any… Chocolate!”
Austin Powers in Goldmember
Dr. Evil treated Mini-Me like the son he never had, doting over Mini-Me and using him to do his bidding. Even though Mini-Me was actually a grown man, however, he constantly treated him like a child and Mini-Me was all-too-happy to oblige. This meant if he decided to have a nap when he was supposed to be working, Dr. Evil would threaten to not give him chocolate, something that is bound to wake up most kids from a deep slumber at the mere thought.
15 “You Know, I Have One Simple Request, And That Is To Have Sharks With Frickin’ Laser Beams Attached To Their Heads!”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
First off, Dr. Evil’s favorite word appears to be “frickin’.” While he should be commended for not uttering the real swear word, he uses the word so often, he might as well just curse like a sailor! In this instance, Evil’s acting as though his demand for laser beams attached to the heads of sharks is so incredibly simple that he’s baffled about why his team can’t oblige him. Of course, it’s a ridiculous request, but to Dr. Evil, it seems completely logical and it makes for one of the all-time best quotes of the Austin Powers movies.
14 “Doctor Evil! I Didn’t Spend Six Years In Evil Medical School To Be Called ‘Mister,’ Thank You Very Much.”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Dr. Evil probably isn’t an actual doctor, yet he claims to have attended something called Evil Medical School, whatever that is. Perhaps it is where people learn how to be evil villains, like many Disney villains that were either misunderstood or evil, and it has the word “medical” in there just to add credibility. Nevertheless, don’t call him mister. It’s Doctor to everyone. Possibly because it makes him sound smart even though he’s sort of like a bratty child, stamping his feet when he doesn’t get his way, and trapped in an adult body.
13 “Throw Me A Frickin’ Bone Here!”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
This Dr. Evil quote is one of the most often used by fans of the Austin Powers movies, often when asking for help or to be given a chance at something. This Dr. Evil quote was one of his favorite things to say, often spoken in frustration when he didn’t get his way or when he couldn’t get a little bit of help. The original phrase is, of course, throw me a bone, meaning to do someone a small favor or something to appease them. But no statement works for Dr. Evil unless it’s spoken with gusto and with the word “frickin'” inserted somewhere in there.
12 “My Father Would Womanize, He Would Drink. He Would Make Outrageous Claims Like He Invented The Question Mark.”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
This Dr. Evil quote pretty much speaks for itself. Dr. Evil had a very strange upbringing with a lot of sadness and trauma, but Mike Myers manages to make the word story of his childhood seem irreverently hilarious through his deadpan delivery. The story itself is so bizarre that Austin Powers fans still find themselves quoting selected lines from it even today.
“My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with a low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Wilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking. I suggest you try it.”
11 “That Makes Me Angry, And When Dr. Evil Gets Angry, Mr. Bigglesworth Gets Upset. And When Mr. Bigglesworth Gets Upset, People Die!”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
While Myers has said he modeled the characters from an impression of Saturday Night Live‘s Lorne Michaels, Dr. Evil was eerily similar to Dr. Claw, too, the evil villain in the Inspector Gadget TV series and movies. Like Dr. Claw, partially modeled on the Bond villain Blofeld, Dr. Evil loves to sit in his favorite chair, stroking his pet cat. Except Dr. Evil’s cat is hairless to match his own head. Mr. Bigglesworth was one of the funniest references to James Bond movies in Austin Powers and his love for his cat, shown in this great Dr. Evil quote and many others, is infectious.
10 “Now, Ladies And Gentlemen, We Finally Have A Working Tractor Beam, Which We Shall Call… Preparation H.”
Austin Powers in Goldmember
It’s no surprise that when his dad says this, Dr. Evil’s son, Scott, smirks under his breath. Any person would know that Preparation H is a popular brand name for a cream used to treat hemorrhoids. But Dr. Evil often seemed oblivious to obvious facts like that, which was all part of his charm. While it’s purely coincidental that Dr. Evil and his team just so happen to be on their eighth attempt at a tractor beam, resulting in it being named after the eighth letter of the alphabet, it’s totally hilarious that he doesn’t make the connection.
9 “Ladies And Gentlemen, Welcome To My Submarine Lair. It’s Long, Hard And Full Of Seamen! No? Nothing? Not Even A Titter? Tough Sub…”
Austin Powers in Goldmember
Every once in a while, Dr. Evil would try to crack a joke and hope that his typically stone-faced, loyal crew might actually laugh, but they never did, at least not when he hoped they would, and especially not at this joke. Rife with innuendo, it just wasn’t the same when he delivered lines like this compared to when Powers did. Powers had a geeky charm. With Dr. Evil, his crew never knew when he was being serious and when it was actually okay to laugh, but the audience certainly knows that this is one of the funniest Dr. Evil quotes ever.
8 “Austin Powers… He’s The Snake To My Mongoose… Or The Mongoose To My Snake… Either Way It’s Bad. I Don’t Know Animals. But I Do Know This: This Time, It’s Personal.”
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Dr. Evil wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box a lot of the time. With this hilarious Dr. Evil quote, he’s trying to suggest that Powers is his archenemy, the person he wants to eat alive and swallow whole to get rid of. Except he can’t quite remember if the snake eats the mongoose in the real world, or if it’s the other way around. He gives up on the analogy and simply says it’s personal, moving on to discussions on how to take Powers down.
7 “Why Make Trillions, When We Can Make…Billions?”
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
One of Dr. Evil’s most well-known quotes is simply “one million dollars!” (With a huge emphasis on the word “million.”) This was a ransom request for the entire Earth that he believed was totally over the top. Except his crew laughed at him because he doesn’t realize that nowadays, one million dollars isn’t an astronomical ask at all. He then goes on to utter this quote, not realizing that a trillion dollars is actually more than a billion. He said it with such force, presuming everyone would cheer when all they could do was laugh and fans are still laughing at this great Dr. Evil quote today too.
6 “Finally, We Come To My Number-Two Man. His Name? Number Two.”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Leave it to Dr. Evil to treat his crew so poorly that he doesn’t even give them proper titles nor use their real names. Instead, he calls his number two right-hand man in an eye patch (Robert Wagner), simply Number Two. Beyond the obvious fact that he simply calls him a number instead of learning his name, there is a myriad of bathroom jokes that could apply here because it’s Austin Powers, and they’re certainly meant to.
5 “Well Don’t Look At Me Like I’m Frickin’ Frankenstein! Give Your Father A Hug!”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Not a lot moves Dr. Evil emotionally speaking, except for family, of course. Long before his clone Mini-Me, Dr. Evil was told of the existence of his son Scott, who was not so cordial towards his dad. After unsuccessfully trying to get close to his son and then botching the Macarena in one of the most underrated jokes of the Austin Powers movies, Dr. Evil got a bit frustrated and uttered this quote, sending Scott into full-on evasive maneuvers.
4 “I Like To See Girls Of That… Caliber?”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Dr. Evil was lacking in a lot of things, especially when it came to being intentionally funny. His mannerisms were awkward, his relationships were shaky, and his jokes would have nightclub patrons hurling tomatoes within the first minute of his routine. It was a part of what made him easily one of the most lovable and ridiculous 90s movie villains. After watching an impressive demonstration involving the seductive Fembots (with deadly bullet-firing nipple guns), Dr. Evil cracked this joke to a silent response from the other characters but uproarious laughter from viewers.
3 “It Got Weird, Didn’t It?”
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Dr. Evil was too preoccupied with taking over the world to worry about the little things, like meaningful relationships. However, he gave in to temptation when his trusted lieutenant Frau Farbissina (Mindy Sterling) put the moves on him, with both swearing that things wouldn’t get weird. Things didn’t go so well the next morning though. After promising not to let their newfound sexual relationship ruin their working one, the two found it impossible to strike up a conversation. Defeated, Dr. Evil came right out with it, asking this question which Frau quickly agreed with, and it’s one of the oiginal movie’s funniest moments.
2 “There’s Nothing More Pathetic Than An Aging Hipster!”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Fresh out of a cryogenic freeze ns on his first mission, Austin Powers managed to infiltrate Dr. Evil’s hidden lair and face his nemesis up close and personal. The two took a moment to reminisce about old times before Austin launched into a proud speech about the grooviness of the spirit of the 60s. However, it all went in one ear and out the other, with Dr. Evil striking back with this insulting quote. Frustrated, Austin had nothing left in the chamber except “Alright baldy, shut your cake-hole!” It’s a sidesplitting exchange between two of Mike Myers’ most beloved comedy characters.
1 “Oh Hell, Let’s Just Do What We Always Do – Hijack Some Nuclear Weapons And Hold The World Hostage, Yeah? Good.”
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
When Dr. Evil was unfrozen after 30 years, he awoke to a world with a criminal element far different from the one he remembered. His understanding of economic inflation was bad enough, but it was nothing compared to how out of touch he was with the growth of technology. After suggesting several dastardly schemes that ended up actually happening in real life, Dr. Evil gave up and blurted out this quote, falling back on the one ace in the hole that every criminal syndicate has on the back burner. It’s another fun nod to the more repetitive aspects of the James Bond franchise and an iconic Dr. Evil quote.