This article contains discussions of mental illness and MAJOR SPOILERS to Before!
Billy Cristal Before follows the connection between a child psychologist named Eli and his young patient named Noah, leading to a strange ending that explores themes of reincarnation and trauma. The Apple TV+ Original miniseries begins with Noah showing up a few times at Eli's house, despite the two not knowing each other. He then agrees to accept Noah as a patient. However, he soon discovers that he and Noah have a strange, almost paranormal connection that dates back to a farmhouse.
Throughout the series, Eli realizes that Noah's symptoms cannot be explained medically. He hallucinates a worm, dark water and ice. The child suddenly becomes very cold and speaks languages he does not know. Eli's behavior becomes erratic when he exposes Noah to environments from his past life. However, this leads doctors to think that Eli is having a mental breakdown related to the death of his wife, Lynn. After Eli escapes from a psychiatric facility and kidnaps Noah, the pair return to the location of their past lives in a finale that discusses the impact of trauma.
How Eli Saved Noah's Life Before
Eli realizes that healing the past life will heal the present
All over BeforeNoah's health deteriorates rapidly, presenting abnormal symptoms that defy the typical limits of medical explanations. The doctors do everything they can to help him, but he is on the brink of death when Eli kidnaps him, driving his ambulance away from the hospital at the end of Before episode 9. Fortunately, Eli discovers upon entering the farmhouse that the way to save Noah's life is to recreate the events of his past life while changing the ending.
Eli grabs Noah and dives into the water with him. After pulling him out of the water, Noah performs chest compressions. Although it doesn't seem to be working, Noah regains consciousness and remembers nothing about how they got there and what happened. He no longer has symptoms and displays his usual personality, which he lost as his symptoms increased.
What Happened at the Farmhouse in Noah and Eli's Past Life
Eli accidentally killed Noah in the farmhouse and fled the scene
The central question that has continued throughout the entire series is what happened at the farmhouse and why it is impacting Noah. Eli finally comes to terms with the fact that Noah is showing symptoms because of a past life trauma that occurred at the farmhouse, even visiting the location in Before episode 8. The show even suggests that the farmhouse may be connected to Lynn's children's book. However, they don't reveal the whole truth until the end, when Eli and Noah return to the farmhouse.
As he turns around, the boy (Eli) pushes his shoulder into the girl (Noah), causing her to fall backwards and hit her head on the ice.
Eli is flooded with memories that he and Eli were looking for their friend. They find their friend by the lake. They go to see a bee's nest and run away when the bees come after them. As he turns around, the boy (Eli) pushes his shoulder into the girl (Noah), causing her to fall backwards and hit her head on the ice. Her weight broke the ice, causing her to sink into the frozen water of the lake. Even though his friend tells him to jump into Noah's past, he runs away in fear.
This event is why Noah hallucinates bees, dark water, and ice in Before. His fear comes with the subconscious knowledge that all of these elements influenced his death in the past life, even if he is not aware of it. The weather and ice in their past lives are why Noah and Eli's lips turn blue and their breathing becomes visible.
Why does Eli keep hallucinating the worm
Eli has not resolved his past traumas
Image via Apple TV+
After Noah's trauma is resolved at the farmhouse, he no longer displays symptoms from his past life. He returns to being the vibrant child he was before, living with Denise and playing on the playground. However, Eli's epilogue shows that he is still hallucinating the worm under his skin. The hallucination is peculiar because the past life events in the farmhouse do not involve worms. This could be a loose end Before that the creative team simply forgot about.
Alternatively, the worm's hallucination could imply that the farmhouse wasn't the first time Noah, Lynn, and Ei shared a life. They could have a history that goes back even further, with a past life involving a worm. In this case, the fact that Eli continues to see the worm implies that he has not resolved the trauma related to that specific past life. After all, her symptoms should have lessened when Noah's did.
Another explanation is that Eli did not forgive himself for his actions in his past life until the end of Beforethen the trauma and hallucinations persist. However, this explanation only works if the incident on the farm involved a worm. Noah may have forgiven Eli – hence the lack of symptoms – but Eli tends to hold on to the past.
Was Noah Benjamin or Lynn in your past life?
Noah's past life becomes murky in the finale's climax
Image via Apple TV+
Once reincarnation is brought into the story, questions naturally arise about who is who. The mark on Noah's chest matches Benjamin's bruise at the time of his death, implying that the two are different incarnations of the same person. Even Eli believes this to be true in Before episode 6. This is reinforced by the fact that Benjamin says: “We have to find our friend” In Eli's dream. The little Dutch girl says this in the farm memory, and she is a confirmed past life of Noah.
If Noah were Lynn in a past life, he would be much younger than he is in the series, as eight years have not passed since her death.
However, the climax of the end of Before adds a question mark to this assumption. Eli remembers Lynn's death while underwater. Back on shore, he lies down next to Noah on the ground, in the same position he and Lynn lay in after her death. These scenes make it seem like Lynn, Noah and the Dutch woman are the same person.
Ultimately, there is no clear answer as to which character Noah's past life was, but this can be inferred from the birthmark, as well as the amount of time that has passed since Lynn and Benjamin's deaths. If Noah were Lynn in a past life, he would be much younger than he is in the series, as eight years have not passed since her death. As such, it seems more likely that Noah is a reincarnated version of Benjamin.
The true meaning of the end of before
Before the end sends two essential messages about life
Instead of letting the audience infer the message, Before includes his central thesis as part of Eli's final monologue. He suggests that if there is life after death, there must also be a life before. Eli proposes that there is no reason to believe in one without the other. It's an interesting philosophical question that falls within the confines of the series.
However, the other message at the end of Before is a bit dangerous based on Beforecharacters and plot. The Apple TV+ original suggests that unresolved trauma will never stop impacting a person until it is faced head-on. At first glance, this is true. People should absolutely seek psychological treatment for their traumatic experiences. Unfortunately, it is not safe to hear this message on a program where a psychologist behaves in an unethical and dangerous manner. Eli repeatedly behaves recklessly without any plan and puts Noah in danger. As such, it would be wise for viewers to understand the basic message but ignore its origin.