Calvin and Hobbes is famous for its incredibly accurate depiction of life through a child’s eyes, as it captures all the ups and downs of childhood in virtually every aspect – kind of like John Mulaney during one of his comedy sets in particular. Mulaney once joked about children’s lack of agency, delivering the iconic (and highly memeable): “I’m very small and I don’t have money”.
John Mulaney hit the nail on the head with this, something that Calvin and Hobbes has done over the ten year history of the comic strip. In fact, Calvin frequently comments on his own lack of agency, becoming the living embodiment of Mulaney’s line, “I’m very small and I don’t have money”. In fact, in a harvest of 10 Hilarious Calvin and Hobbes comics that just turned 30the comic captures this feeling perfectly, proving that John Mulaney is completely right about childhood.
10
Calvin is a complete anarchist (even during childhood activities)
Calvin and Hobbes – October 1, 1994
Calvin is working on a kids connect-the-dots activity but is having some problems. When Hobbes approaches him, Calvin expresses his frustration with the activity, saying that he is not seeing a picture form, even after connecting all the dots. Hobbes then points out that Calvin needs to follow the numbering of these points to get an idea. To this end, a frustrated Calvin begins to erase the lines he has already drawn, muttering to himself: “Everything has to have rules, rules, rules!“.
Calvino is famously a bit of an anarchist, like many Calvin and Hobbes the comics have detailed, and this is just another example of that being true. Calvin is an advocate of free speech over structured rules, especially when it comes to games and activitiesand he shows it hilariously in this strip.
9
Calvin hates not having a voice when he goes to bed (or anything else)
Calvin and Hobbes – October 10, 1994
As Calvin gets ready for bed, he complains to Hobbes about how he has absolutely no say in anything he does – including and especially his own bedtime. Calvin says there’s always someone controlling every aspect of his life, and now Calvin is experiencing the weight of that firsthand by being sent to bed before he’s ready.
This comic alone is a perfect example of what John Mulaney was talking about in his aforementioned comedy set. Calvin has no control over his own life since he is just a child – he is too young to make decisions for himself and has no money to support himself. However, that doesn’t stop Calvin from complaining about his lack of agency, even though this comic makes it clear that adulthood isn’t much better.
8
Calvin has no qualms about throwing his mother to the wolves (or in this case, the tigers)
Calvin and Hobbes – October 23, 1994
In this comic, Hobbes is evidently feeling a little more mischievous than usual, and Calvin is the target of this. Calvin is walking home when he suddenly hears a noise in a tree above him, only to be attacked by Hobbes a moment later. Another example of this is when Calvin is walking through the front door of his house, and Hobbes attacks him once again, leaving Calvin a mess after being attacked twice by his tiger friend. So, before it happens a third time, Calvin decides to take some precautions by having his mother enter his room before him.
Calvin has no qualms about throwing his mother to the proverbial wolves (and literally the tiger) just to save himself from Hobbes’ wrath.typical of the six-year-old rascal and utterly hilarious.
7
Calvin accepts his lack of agency during bath time
Calvin and Hobbes – October 15, 1994
When it comes time for Calvin to take a shower, he makes it clear that he is firmly opposed to bath time as a whole. Calvin yells about staying true to his principles and how he refuses to compromise them. However, his objections have no bearing on Calvin’s mother’s decision to bathe him, and Calvin ends up in the bathtub regardless of his personal belief system. Once in the bathtub, Calvin accepts the fact that his own life is completely out of his control.
Calvin tries to make his voice heard when it comes to his deep opposition to bath time, but he’s only a six-year-old boy, so of course his parents won’t listen. Unfortunately, Calvin is a bit more self-aware than the average six-year-old, making realizing his own lack of agency even more difficult.
6
Calvin comes up with a hilarious excuse for why he didn’t do his homework
Calvin and Hobbes – October 30, 1994
After one of his parents asks him how his homework is going, Calvin reluctantly turns his attention to his math book. However, in doing so, Calvin discovers that the book itself has come to life. The book eats his pencil, then goes after his homework, before turning his attention to Calvin himself. At the end, Calvin has to break the spine of the book to stop his rampage, but unfortunately his homework didn’t work. Obviously, his teacher didn’t believe any of this.
Calvin is famous for having trouble focusing on math, and this is far from the first time he’s let his mind wander to an epic fantasy instead of solving math problems. But still, this excuse for not doing your math homework is quite creative (and very brave).
5
Calvin has even less freedom with his nanny
Calvin and Hobbes – October 19, 1994
When Calvin’s parents go out for the night and his nanny, Rosalyn, comes to take care of him, Calvin is not pleased. Calvin calls Rosalyn”the nanny from the black lagoon“, and pouts that he needs to be watched. While Calvin and Hobbes briefly laugh about how they pranked Rosalyn in the past, their fun quickly comes to an end when Rosalyn tells Calvin to go to bed before bed.
Hobbes attributes this to Rosalyn’s desire for revenge for previous pranks, but the end result is that Calvin has even less freedom with his nanny than when his parents are home. Calvin has so little say in his own life that even if someone like Rosalyn can boss him around, he has no choice but to follow her lead – yet another stark reminder of his own lack of agency.
4
Calvin gets exactly what he prays for while watching TV
Calvin and Hobbes – October 8, 1994
One day, Calvin is in front of his television, but he’s not just watching, he’s praying to it as if the TV set were some kind of god. Calvin refers to the TV set as the “great altar of passive entertainment“, and asks with the greatest respect and reverence that”grant me your discordant images at such a speed that makes linear thinking impossible“.
In other words, Calvin wants to focus on some mindless television, and as the final panel shows, he gets exactly what he prays for.. Calvin knows that his favorite shows are mind-numbing garbage, usually designed to sell him something (toys, comics, merchandise, etc.), but he doesn’t care at all. In fact, that’s exactly why he prays when he turns on the TV.
3
Calvin refuses to be a complacent, ‘perfect’ boy
Calvin and Hobbes – October 7, 1994
Calvin’s father is trying to take a picture of him. However, Calvin’s father knows who he’s dealing with, so he not only asks Calvin not to make a funny face, but he also pretends to take the photo a few times by doing the “click“Sounds with the mouth. But Calvin is not an idiot and he knows exactly when his father is about to take the photo. And at that moment, Calvin makes a funny face at the camera.
Like any Calvin and Hobbes fan knows, Calvin is anything but a ‘perfect’ boyand this comic is a hilarious and literal example that this is true. He may not have much control over his life, but Calvin can certainly decide how his face looks in photos, and it’s the opposite of what many parents (including his own) would consider “cool.”
2
Calvin has no money and his plan to get some duds is hilarious
Calvin and Hobbes – October 12, 1994
Calvin is screaming at the top of his lungs about how no one shows him the level of attention or affection he requires, claiming his needs aren’t being met. Then, his mother goes to him and gives him a big hug. To this, Calvin counters: “Can I have 20 dollars?“, a request that his mother promptly refuses. In response, Calvin goes back to his previous speech, saying that no one cares about him since his mother refused his request for free money.
Like this John Mulaney pointed out on his set that kids don’t have money – and Calvin is no exception. While this doesn’t stop him from trying to make some money through violent emotional manipulation, that tactic unfortunately didn’t work in this case (although it was still hilarious to watch him try).
1
At least Calvin is honest about what he would do with absolute freedom (if he had any)
Calvin and Hobbes – October 31, 1994
Calvin and Hobbes are standing on the sidewalk, waiting for Calvin’s school bus to arrive and take him to school – which Calvin is complaining about. Calvin says it’s too nice out there to miss a whole day of school, but When Hobbes asks him what he would do in the morning if he had the freedom to stay home from school, Calvin replies, “Sleep well“.
Calvin knows he has no choice but to do what children are supposed to do: listen to their parents and go to school. He doesn’t like it and complains constantly, but that’s the way it is. However, as shown in this comic, At least Calvin is honest about what he would do with absolute freedom if he had anyand that at least counts for something. But more than anything, this and the rest of the 10 Calvin and Hobbes comics that just turned 30 prove John Mulaney is totally right about childhood.