Shoresy's 10 Funniest Lines, Ranked

Hockey-centric by Jared Keeso Letterkenny spin off Coastal is driven by running gags and gags, and few are funnier than Shoresy's never-ending pursuit of reporter Laura Mohr, which results in some downright hilarious lines. Not much is known about Shoresy's history, including what her first name is, but throughout Coastal the audience discovers that the foul-mouthed hockey veteran has more heart than he would ever admit. Besides his pet bird, Big Sexy, his most significant weakness is local reporter Laura Mohr.

Played by Canadian actress Camille Sullivan, Laura Mohr is a divorced single mother (and appears to be a high-functioning alcoholic) who occasionally interacts with Shoresy, the team captain, to get information about the Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs. It's clear that Shoresy's heartfelt lines have won her over a little over time, as she becomes friendlier as the show progresses, even inviting him into her garage at one point to… hang out. As heartfelt as the one-liners are, they're still Shoresy quotes, so each one is funnier than the last.

10

“Hey, have you ever been sitting in front of someone, just trying to have a normal conversation, fighting every urge inside you to just scream 'YES!'”

Season 1, Episode 2, 'Veteran Presence'

This quote comes from Laura Mohr's first actual appearance on the show, when Shoresy meets with her to discuss her claim that the Bulldogs will “never lose again.” This line is all about delivery, as It's the way Shoresy says “yes” that really gets her point across. He's trying to explain to Laura how excited he is just to be talking to her, but uses a childish twist on his exclamation that makes his already comically high-pitched voice even funnier.

Their meeting is an important scene for the show because, in addition to this quote, introduces the phrase “I would be so good to you”to which Shoresy returns repeatedly in his attempts to woo her. He, of course, adds variations to this phrase as he repeats it, which is a good example of why both Jared Keeso shows are so funny: he manages to repeat jokes and commit to parts while making sure they evolve, which keeps the comedy from feeling stale or overly repetitive.

9

“You're smart, capable, rational, trustworthy, outgoing, kind, consistent, you're a leader… and you smell so good.”

Season 2, Episode 2, 'Skill vs. Willing'

This line from the beginning of season 2 of Coastal while the Bulldogs captain and Laura Mohr meet at Eddie's Sports Bar and Restaurant so she can get a quote related to the upcoming game against Soo Hunt from the United States. Predictably, Shoresy makes her task difficult by reciting a series of lines about how attractive she is and what he tells his friends about her. This leads to her eventually leaving him hanging alone on the table, asking him to text her a quote that she can use in her story.

As she turns to leave, she pauses and asks what Shoresy really tells her teammates and friends about her, and for a moment Shoresy seems to let her guard down and responds honestly with this quote. What makes it so funny is the juxtaposition of the list of flattering qualities with the kind of creepy sweet curse-laden remark that she smells good. It's a true microcosm of Shoresy's personality, in the sense that the sweet and genuine persona was always present within the inappropriate and offensive exterior.

8

“I hope you know that I've been watching YouTube tutorials on how to give your feet a good scrub.”

Season 1, Episode 6, 'Don't Poke the Bear'

What makes this quote from season 1 of Coastal So funny is that it measures Shoresy's level of infatuation with Laura Mohr, but he says it in passing when they accidentally meet in the arena. This implies that Shoresy has actually researched how he can go the extra mile to treat her rightand he says it seriously enough that it might actually be true. What could otherwise be scary feels both sweet and hilarious because of how long Shoresy has been after Laura Mohr and how he knows he's making progress with her.

7

“Ah, I tell the boys, the sexiest thing about you is your mind, and here I am sweating because I can see that your bra is a non-traditional color.”

Season 2, Episode 2, 'Skill vs. Willing'

This is part of the same conversation as the “you smell so good” line mentioned above, but it comes before this heartfelt list of attributes. Shoresy begins the conversation without looking at Laura, joking that she is too attractive for him to focus on. When he finally turns to her, He notices that her blouse is slightly crooked, revealing her bra a little.and hits her with this catchphrase.

It's a subtle reminder of how physically attracted to Laura Shoresy is, and a reminder that Shoresy is still immature sometimes (and is perfectly okay with that). What makes it particularly funny is the specificity of the line, which is a hallmark of not just Shoresy's lines, but Jared Keeso's comedy in general. It's not enough to comment about being able to see the bra. He has to note that what excites him is that it's not a typical color (in this case, it's black).

Season 1, Episode 4, “If You Can’t Win, Don’t Play”

Season 1, Episode 4 of Coastal There's a scene that's a gold mine for pickup lines, and it takes place in the back of the arena, before the Bulldogs game. Shoresy brings his fastball and recites several lines in a row in an attempt to woo Lauraand this is one of the funniest among them (although there are still two more on this list). This line demonstrates one of Shoresy's best “themes,” in which he states that he would do something extreme just for the slightest interaction with Laura.

Shoresy has connections to real people and places in Sudbury, Ontario, where the show is set and filmed, and here Shoresy references a real place in the city of Sudbury. The Bridge of Nations is a local landmark that features the flags of the home countries of all citizens living in Sudbury. That's it Coastalit's a fun way to shout out the Bulldogs' hometown while making a memorable joke.

5

“Why are we doing this here when we could be at the 7-Star Dumpling House? Let's get some bibimbap.”

Season 1, Episode 2, 'Veteran Presence'

This is another line from Shoresy's first conversation with Laura on the show and demonstrates another theme in Shoresy's lines. For any reason, Shoresy is constantly trying to get Laura to go out for Asian food with him; he references Asian cuisine frequently on the show, including bubble tea, tempura, miso ramen, etc. This line is particularly funny because of the reference to a real Sudbury location (the 7-star dumpling house is a real Chinese restaurant in Sudbury) and just the aural nonsense of the phrase “fucking bibimbap.”

4

“I would win everything in Killarney just to hold your purse.”

Season 1, Episode 4, “If You Can’t Win, Don’t Play”

Shoresy's second quick quote to make the list for Season 1, Episode 4 of Coastal refers to Shoresy doing a running backwards somersault (the acrobatic move known as a winner) from the top of another Ontario landmark. In this case, he refers to The Crack, which is a famous hiking trail through the mountains of Killarney, Ontario Known for its beautiful views and birdwatching viewpoints. It's funny because it's so ridiculously specific, and what's worse is that he would do something so extreme just for the chance to do her a service.

3

“I'm going to shoot with you one of these days. You better watch out, it's going to be you, me and a whole table of dim sum. Doesn't that sound good?”

Season 1, Episode 6, 'Don't Poke the Bear'

This is the best of Shoresy's Asian cuisine-related lines to Laura Mohr, and it's said as she walks away from him, which somehow makes it all better, as if she's already agreed. The first part is funny because he ironically talks like he hasn't been shooting in months, and the second part is funny because he constantly refers to the silliest-sounding Asian foods (to English speakers) as he tries to pick her up. It's impossible to take him seriously when he says this, and that's the point; it's just flirtatious banter, not an honest attempt to ask her out.

2

“Well, I'd French-kiss your toaster to vacuum your fucking car.”

Season 2, Episode 4, “Players Only”

This is the funniest of Shoresy's non-Ontario attempts, simply due to the vibrant imagery he uses. It's the most extreme (and once again, comically specific) act he claims he will do to find a way to make her life easier, and is the only one that is delivered while he is standing at the door of her house. It's accompanied by another vulnerable moment where Shoresy openly admits that winning means nothing if he doesn't have someone to share his life with, which makes the harshness of the action and language that much funnier.

1

“I would sit with my bare ass on the Big Nickel just so you could get some debris off my shirt, I swear to God it would feel so good for you.”

Season 1, Episode 4, “If You Can’t Win, Don’t Play”

This is Shoresy's best hotline for a number of reasons, the first of which is the local connection. The Big Nickel is a 30-foot replica of a 1951 Canadian nickelwhich is located outside the Dynamic Earth science museum in the real Sudbury, Ontario. The image of a grown man sitting bare-bottomed on top of a huge coin for all to see is inherently funny, but Shoresy adds that he would go to extremes for just the slightest touch from Laura.

He also pronounces the word “debris” as “debris” as opposed to the correct French pronunciation “de-bree”, which makes it funnier. It’s the last of Shoresy’s aforementioned attempts at quick recovery in Season 1, Episode 4, and it also manages to dive back into the well he’s visited so many times: “I would be so good to you.” CoastalThe insulting humor of may be seen as the show's bread and butter, but the lines are absolutely hysterical and, if some fans of the show are to be believed, they actually work in the real world.