This article contains discussions of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse.
Spoilers for It Ends With Us lie ahead!
Eight years after its publication, End with us by Colleen Hoover includes many questionable elements that are worth criticizing. The book centers on a woman named Lily Bloom, who is the victim of an intergenerational cycle of abuse. Since its launch, Colleen Hoover’s End with us has been controversial, producing a divided response from readers and critics alike. It is natural that the book raises strong opinions, given the content. Colleen Hoover has drawn details—like personalities and the first incident of physical abuse—from her parents’ relationship, which gives her a more personal connection to the story.
However, inspiration does not make the book immune to criticism. The personal connection also does not exempt it from the responsibility that comes with discussing a topic as serious as violence between intimate partners. Authors owe it to readers to handle sensitive subjects with care. Unfortunately, many aspects of the book were problematic to begin with or have aged poorly over the past eight years. Given the film adaptation of End with us By changing parts of the book, the harsh realities about Colleen Hoover’s novel are more apparent than ever.
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Atlas and Lily’s romance hurts and ends with us message about escaping abuse
Atlas would have been better as a best friend
When it comes to abuse, there is never an excuse. As Lily points out in End with usRyle could have caught her and Atlas having sex, and he still wouldn’t have had a reason to lay a hand on Lily. Unfortunately, the pair’s romantic history detracts from the story and message.
First, for those who engage in abuser apologetics, the novel provides individuals with a primary reason to reject Ryle’s abuse. The book only acknowledges three cases of abuse, although many other examples exist early on, and two of the three occur because Ryle becomes jealous of Atlas. Unfortunately, jealousy is misinterpreted as a romantic act in society and the media, making it seem like Ryle’s abuse is caused by love, which is unequivocally false.
Secondly, Lily running to Atlas, her first love, to help her get away from Ryle makes it seem like victims can only get out of abusive relationships if they have another romantic option. Atlas could still support her in escaping the dangerous situation if they were just childhood best friends instead of romantic interests.
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It ends with us, the marketing was misleading
It Ends With Us was never a romance
One of the harshest realities about Colleen Hoover’s book was clear from the beginning, but it has only become more apparent since then. End with us‘drama cast. The novel’s marketing was highly misleading. End with us It should never have been labeled as a romance, given the graphic depictions of abuse and heavy content.
Unfortunately, the front and back of the book also don’t alert the reader to what’s inside. The back cover presents the story as a love triangle romance, with no explicit references to abuse of any kind. The pink and flowery cover looks more like a romantic comedy than a harrowing story of intimate partner violence. Unfortunately, the film followed suit. Justin Baldoni tried to emphasize the domestic violence storyline, and the trailer made the triggering content more apparent. However, Blake Lively’s interviews presented the film as a romantic comedy, misleading many viewers.
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There are no decent men it ends with us
Even the best men who break up with us exhibit problematic behaviors
End with us wants the reader to believe that Ryle Kinkaid and Andrew Bloom are the bad guys, while all the other men are the good guys. Unfortunately, when comparing abusers to non-abusers, the threshold for acceptable behavior is set far below reasonable standards. When looking at individual men, almost all of them exhibit worrying behaviors.
Lily’s diaries strongly suggest that Atlas knew the age of consent and, for months, planned to have sex with her when she finally turned 16. The fact that he had sex with her when she was 16 and he was 18, after planning it for so long, may not technically be legal rape, but it is still morally dubious. As an adult, he also locks her in the bathroom against her will, which is scary. Furthermore, his threats to Ryle put her at risk of further abuse. Lastly, he lies to Lily about being in a relationship and doesn’t confess until she confronts him.
Marshall’s friends Devon and Atlas also make questionable choices in End with us. Marshall knows that Ryle is abusive, but takes him to see Lily without asking if everything is okay or telling her. Devon agrees to be Lily’s fake date, knowing that she is avoiding Ryle, but later allows him to take Lily away against her will. Even Atlas’ friends make inappropriate comments to Lily, though they can be ignored as she dumps the trauma on them.
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Domestic violence is used as a plot twist
Abuse should never be used to shock
Thanks to misleading marketing, readers were not prepared to read about domestic violence happening End with us. Furthermore, By presenting the book as a romance, Ryle starts out sounding like the archetypal long-running romance “Alphahole.” – a love interest who is bossy, arrogant and controlling, but also competent, accomplished and potentially redeemable (via The MFA novel).
There are obvious warning signs that Ryle will end up being abusive when looking at it through a psychological lens. However, the average reader is not necessarily prepared to recognize domestic violence in this way. The scene where Ryle becomes openly internally violent towards Lily also goes from a laugh to a beating in a few sentences. There is no warning in this scene that it will turn bad. As such, domestic violence comes as a plot twist, which is never okay.
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Ending With Us romanticizes abuse
The portrayal of violence between intimate partners is worrying
Looking at End with us by Colleen Hoover, there are valid arguments for and against the book that romanticizes abuse. For one thing, the book is told from the perspective of Lily, a victim of domestic violence. People in abusive situations may not recognize the early signs, and the warning signs they see may be excused due to rose-colored glasses. In this way, the romanticization of abuse is realistic.
However, the problem comes to an end when she recognizes Ryle’s toxic behavior. Lily never identifies many of his past actions—like him tracking her apartment, showing up unannounced, and pressuring her for sex—as manipulative and abusive.even when recognizing violence committed by an intimate partner. This tips the scales more towards romanticizing past behaviors.
Additionally, the rose-colored glasses can be dismissed as a character perspective until End with us makes Lily flee into the arms of her first love. This single decision makes it difficult to see domestic violence as anything more than a plot device in a romance story.
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The writing that ends with us is not very good
Colleen Hoover Doesn’t Follow the Golden Rule of Creative Writing
Labeling a book as “good” or “bad” is highly subjective, as readers choose books with different goals. A novel will fall into one category or another depending on whether it meets the expectations of the individual reading it. As such, it is impossible to consider End with us a bad book with 100% objectivity. However, it is reasonable to judge the quality of the writing, which is lacking.
The golden rule in creative writing is “show, don’t tell.” Unfortunately, End with us it does nothing other than tell the reader what to think and how to feel about the characters and the narrative. The writing leaves no room for nuances or personal interpretations, which makes it difficult to engage with the story. Despite literary weakness, End with us and other books by Colleen Hoover are still easy to read because of the light-hearted tone and frothy language, making it understandable why they are so popular.
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Allysa isn’t as good a friend as the book makes her out to be
Allysa allows Ryle’s abuse at first
When it comes to characters from End with usAllysa plays a vital role in finally breaking Lily out of her abusive relationship with Ryle. When informed about the attempted rape, she tells her friend this iconic quote:
“My brother loves you, Lily. He loves you very much. You changed his whole life and made him someone I never thought he could be. As his sister, I wish more than anything that you find a way to forgive him. But as your best friend, I must tell you that if you take him back, I will never speak to you again.”
Although the sentence may be flawed, Allysa does not need to speak perfectly for her words to have meaning. The statement reassures Lily that she will not lose her best friend if she leaves the abusive relationship. Support is an essential consideration for leaving an abuser – although it is obviously not the only factor.
However, focusing on this positive moment ignores that Allysa already enabled Ryle’s abuse at the beginning of the book. The first time she finds out that Ryle abused Lily, she doesn’t encourage her to leave or ask what kind of support Lily needs. Instead, she gets Lily to have a talk with Ryle, saying, “As my sister-in-law and best friend, give my brother a chance to talk to you. So she leaves them alone, knowing that he was violent once.
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Ryle is portrayed as the “good guy” abuser
Ends with us, apologies for Ryle’s abuse towards Lily
A particularly disturbing harsh reality End with us it’s the fact that Ryle is portrayed as a good guy who is just a helpless victim of his mental health due to unresolved childhood trauma. The book explains his abuse as “blackouts” where he cannot control or remember his actions – a misrepresentation of the causes of the abuse (via National Domestic Violence Hotline).
The attempted rape essentially debunks this explanation, as he premeditated his actions and waited hours for her to get home. However, Even if Ryle actually experienced dissociative episodes where he blacked out, that wouldn’t excuse his abuse. He is responsible for taking responsibility and treating his mental health.
The narrative of Ryle being an abusive “good guy” is reinforced by his behavior between the attempted rape and the epilogue. Ryle gives him space for months without overstepping his boundaries. He complies with her request not to convince her to get back with him. He doesn’t harass her or threaten her. Unfortunately, the most dangerous time for an abuse survivor is the 18 months after they leave (via BWSS), so Ryle’s behavior doesn’t seem realistic.
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Lily appears as the “perfect victim” in who ends up with us
It’s hard to relate to Lily because she’s so self-conscious
All over End with usLily does many things that make her an ideal victim. The first time Ryle physically abuses her, she recognizes his actions as wrong and threatens to leave him if it happens again. This level of immediate understanding does not seem realistic. Instead of making more excuses a second time, she makes good on her threat to leave when he pushes her down the stairs, never doubting her own decision.
She only goes back to him because she genuinely believes he can control her actions. After the third incident, she goes to the hospital for treatment, documenting her injuries. She never questions whether she should give birth to Emerson or take care of her parents. Ultimately, Lily makes few decisions that paint her in a negative light. Fortunately, the End with us the film corrects this problem, making her more imperfect.
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Lily was wrong about co-parenting Emerson with Ryle
Lily should have fought to protect Emerson
At the end of End with usColleen Hoover writes one of the most controversial parts of Lily Bloom’s story. Instead of trying to fight for full custody or demanding court-supervised visits, Lily allows Ryle to spend some unsupervised time with Emerson. The idea of a victim being forced to mother an abuser is not strange. In fact, it’s a painful reality that people live every day. The problem is that she didn’t even try, despite having money, resources and support.
Lily simply says that Ryle has the right to father her child, no matter how she feels about it, never taking steps to protect your child from a person who allegedly goes through blackouts where he is uncontrollably abusive. Ultimately, Justin Baldoni and partner organization The No More Foundation changed Ryle’s controversial ending because they were equally uncomfortable with End with us‘epilogue.