Charlie Brown is perhaps the most unfortunate character in all of fiction, as Peanut never miss an opportunity to put your child through the wringer. Even the most casual Peanut fans are aware of this. All anyone would have to do is watch the holiday specials to understand how miserable Charlie Brown's life is. He gets rocks instead of candy during trick-or-treating, is tricked into hosting an unwanted 'friendsgiving', and his Christmas tree falls down from a single ornament.
The thing is, Charlie Brown can never win, not during the holidays and certainly not in the original. Peanut comics. This is also nothing new, since even the first days of Peanut Canon sees Charlie Brown suffering one misfortune after another. In fact, in a harvest of Peanut comics that just turned 70, fans will clearly see just that – and each instance is funnier than the last. Here are 10 of the best firsts Peanut comics that prove Charlie Brown can never win!
10
Lucy asks an absurd question and Charlie Brown is still wrong
Peanut – November 3, 1954
Lucy and Charlie Brown stand together under the night sky, looking up at the stars above. Without taking her eyes off the sky, Lucy asks Charlie Brown what he would do if the moon fell right on his head. Charlie Brown then asked Lucy a question: “What do you mean what would I do?“, as Chuck seemed perplexed by the absurdity of Lucy's question. Charlie Brown then admits that he has no idea what he would do, as it is obvious that there would be nothing he could do (except simply die, of course).
But that's not good enough for Lucy, who gets angry at Charlie Brown for his lack of imaginative thinking. Even when Charlie Brown asks a ridiculous question and answers it as honestly (though also sarcastically) as possible, he is still somehow wrong.
9
Charlie Brown offends Snoopy while scolding Pig-Pen
Peanut – November 4, 1954
One day, Charlie Brown decides he's going to scold Pig-Pen. Charlie Brown is tired of how disgusting Pig-Pen is constantly, and he says it to his face. Charlie Brown calls Pig-Pen an embarrassment to the entire neighborhood, saying he is no better than an animal. Unfortunately, Snoopy is next to Charlie Brown and hears everything, including and especially the insult about comparing Pig-Pen to an animal.
Snoopy is offended by Charlie Brown's comments and storms off while Chuck follows him, apologizing profusely for his thoughtless words. Only Charlie Brown could offend his best friend while insulting someone else, which not only proves that Charlie Brown can never win, but also that there is instant karma in Peanut universe.
8
Charlie Brown can never win an argument with Lucy
Peanut – November 9, 1954
Charlie Brown walks up to Lucy as she stands in the sun with a pencil and pad of paper in her hand. Before Charlie Brown even has a chance to ask, Lucy explains that she “counting the suns” and that each day she tells a new one. Charlie Brown quickly tells her that there is only one sun, not a new one that appears every day. But, Lucy won't listen, calling Charlie Brown crazy as she goes back to looking at the 'new sun' of the day, imagining what the new sun will be like tomorrow.
At this point, Charlie Brown should either stop disagreeing with Lucy or just stop talking to her to begin with. Every conversation seems to lead to an absurd argument, and every time, without fail, Charlie Brown loses.
7
Charlie Brown can't even be a gentleman properly
Peanut – November 21, 1954
Charlie Brown offers his hand to Lucy, so they can cross together at the same time and make it safely to the other side. However, Lucy doesn't see this as a kind gesture, but just a lame excuse for Charlie Brown to hold her hand. Charlie Brown loses control and says that Lucy can just cross the street by herself. But then Lucy comes up with a plan: they will hold the same piece of string while crossing the street.
Charlie Brown is very offended by the implication that he just wanted to hold Lucy's hand and that he didn't actually care about her crossing the street safely. It seems like he was just trying to be a gentleman, but in Peanuts, Charlie Brown can't even do that right.
6
Charlie Brown isn't the only person Lucy is quick to snap at
Peanut – November 8, 1954
While Linus (who is just a child in the first Peanuts comics) is playing with some toys, Lucy aggressively walks up to him and immediately starts screaming in his face. Apparently, the toys Linus is playing with belong to Lucy, and she doesn't like him playing with them without her permission. Lucy makes it very clear that Linus can never touch her things, while also saying that everything in the house is hers. Then, assuming that Lucy really means it's all hers, Linus takes off his shirt and hands it to her.
Linus gives Lucy the shirt he took off to end her scolding, which is absolutely hilarious. But more than that, this comic proves that Charlie Brown isn't the only person Lucy is quick to lash out at, as Linus feels Lucy's wrath in the same way.
5
Snoopy appears to have caught Charlie Brown's misfortune
Peanut – November 2, 1954
Snoopy is sitting outside on a windy autumn day when he sees a single leaf pass by. Snoopy decides to chase the leaf, trying to catch it as a game. However, Snoopy is shocked when he notices the wind suddenly changes, which blows an entire pile of leaves toward Snoopy. In a panic, Snoopy runs away from the leaves, who appear to be chasing Snoopy to repay him for chasing the single leaf earlier.
The idea that leaves are capable of holding grudges and 'persecuting' those who persecute them is hilarious – but that's not all this Peanuts comic tells readers. It looks like Snoopy has picked up on some of Charlie Brown's misfortune, as his hilariously unfortunate encounter with the leaves is something fans can expect Charlie Brown to experience.
4
Snoopy should know better than to mess with Lucy
Peanut – November 24, 1954
Lucy is watching an insect crawl across the floor, being very careful not to make the slightest noise that would disturb it. So, it's easy to see why Lucy isn't happy about Snoopy's sudden presence. But Lucy gives Snoopy the benefit of the doubt and tells him not to make any noise, instead of just shooing him away. But, of course, Snoopy immediately upsets the bug, and Lucy chases him down the street, yelling at him the entire time.
Snoopy should know better than to mess with Lucy, but apparently he doesn't, as he 'smelled the bug' even after Lucy asked him to be careful around the bug. Lucy will attack someone for no reason, so when someone gives her a reason, they're really in it – just like Snoopy in this Peanuts comic.
Peanut – November 25, 1954
Charlie Brown is walking down the street with Violet when he – completely spontaneously – starts going on and on about how you should only look out for yourself in the world. Meanwhile, Violet doesn't say anything. Instead, Violet simply proves Charlie Brown wrong by warning him that – during his speech – he's about to crash into a fence.
Charlie Brown's face turns red as he is overcome with shameful embarrassment. Here he is talking about how no one looks out for anyone, and Violet showed Charlie Brown that she has his back by not letting him run into a fence. Charlie Brown was starting to develop a pretty apathetic worldview until Violet showed him the error of his ways, and in this case, Chuck better be wrong.
2
Linus would rather face suffocation than Lucy's wrath
Peanut – November 28, 1954
Linus is crawling around the house and playing with a balloon, having a blast. But then, everything changed when he heard the angry voice of his sister, Lucy, shout throughout the house: “Who has my balloon!?!”. Panic grips young Linus when he realizes that this balloon was not meant for him to play with, as it belonged to Lucy. So instead of facing Lucy's wrath, Linus deflates the balloon and sticks it in his mouth.
Deflated balloons are some of the most dangerous things a child can put in their mouth, but despite this, Linus decided to risk suffocation over his sister. Lucy had already made it clear that he wasn't supposed to play with her toys, and Linus wasn't going to break that rule as soon as it was established.
1
Charlie Brown can't even have a good time with Snoopy without losing
Peanut – November 29, 1954
Charlie Brown is sitting with Snoopy, content to just be walking his dog. Chuck comments to Snoopy that the two are best friends before telling Snoopy how much he appreciates his unconditional love. It doesn't matter that Charlie Brown has no money, no fancy clothes, no candy, or anything else, really. Snoopy loves Charlie Brown just the way he is. Or maybe not.
After Charlie Brown admitted that he didn't have any candy, Snoopy ran off, insinuating that he was only hanging out with Charlie Brown in hopes of getting some food. It seems like Charlie Brown can't even have a good time with his dog, Snoopy, without losing it somehow, making this one of the top 10 funniest moments Peanut comics that prove Charlie Brown can never win.